Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Monday, December 19, 2011

Since no one says anything, this is like a diary.

Do you ever think that sometimes you're not meant to be in a relationship with anyone? I'm sure it's crossed some peoples minds before. But, the reason I think this sometimes is not for the idea that people don't like me and I'm not destined to find a lover. It is more like, I tend to find a lot of people that like me. I'm not trying to sound conceded either. Most of my male friends have had feelings for me at one point or another. And a lot of the time I end up being interested in someone because I want to get to know them better, I want to make their life good, I want to help them learn that it's okay to open up and that it's okay for them to be who they are because they're amazing. This ends up being bad because that person I want to get to know ends up liking me. And If I like them and I'm single we might end up dating, then break up and they hate me but have grown. Or, I'm taken and then they like me then realize They don't get a chance so they hate me but have grown. I don't know...I'm too in my head lately. Trying to think about what's best for me at this point.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Some more Questions about Marriage.

When does marriage become a role? Do people honestly fall in love with the same one person for the rest of their lives? Is it a possibility that people will only LOVE that one person? I find it hard to believe that not almost every single marriage is plagued with deception and cheating. Is marriage there for when you finally find that one person you want to be with for the rest of your life, or is marriage there for when you get old enough and lonely enough that you find someone that you can stand being around all the time, accept for their ups and downs, and work well together? I mean, marriage isn't just a love, it's a partnership. Back when there were arranged marriages there was a lower percentage of divorces, not only because it was frowned about and hard to get re married if you had been divorced but because relationships that are meant to work out as a benifit to make more money or keep property under the same name, they learned to love the person they were with...I don't know.
I guess the real question is, is marriage real? I true, honest, loving, and never strayed from relationship.

Long term relationships...they always get to me at some point and I start thinking, is this really for me? Is this what I want?...I've got so much to talk about but I don't have the right person to talk about it with.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Random Updates: That's how I live. :]

Man, I've got an idea.
Take pictures of what I do every day then blog about it. :D
-I'm too lazy to make a good blog.
-Sometimes I don't really do anything all day. o.O
-I'm lazy because the auto focus on my camera is broken.

SOOOOO, The way I'm doing things is by Random Updates.

My Halloween went like this:
My Friend Cory decided to Dress up as My Ex Boyfriend "Mitchell Fucking Famous" I was a Fairy. :3
This one we Discovered that Captain Morgan Had brought His hoes(he is a pimp).
Our Crazy design on Corri's Arm.
The Next day at Rave To The Grave. :P

For actual Halloween I watched 28 weeks later and had no trick or treaters. D:

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Oh, Hi there.

Well, Hello blogger, Long time no blog. For real.
Man, it's been awhile since I've had the time to sit down and not know what to do with myself on the internet. I've been so busy with school, packing to move, moving and unpacking and waiting for my cable and internet to be set up that I just simply Haven't Had the time to get on blogger.

What Have I Been Up To? Well, I pretty much summed it up above. :p I've been moving! We're in our new place, still got some random stuff left over at the old place that we need to be taking care of and get up here! I'm glad that we're at this new place. It's SO much bigger than our old place. Our old place was a two bed one bath and it was a small one level kinda cramped for all of our stuff. Now we have so much room I don't know what to do with it! (Besides the closet space, got all of that filled. ;P) We've got Three Bedrooms, Two Bath, a Kitchen, Den, Dining Room, Living Room, and Laundry room! My goodness. It kinda feels like Home. I think it'll feel more at home once everything is arranged and my art is up on the walls! (one of the things still at the old place is all my art work :[)
Anyways, Boyfriend Back. Gonna Go Spend some time. :3 Love him.
Oh, Pictures up later!

Friday, October 14, 2011


Who can you talk to when you have something to say, but don't want anyone to know?

Friday, October 7, 2011

Day Seven

Day 07
A picture of someone, something that has the biggest impact on you

If You Noticed, I skipped Day 6 Because I didn't have a favorite Super Hero.

A Picture of someone that has made the Biggest Impact on me. I would say This Boy Named Garrett had the Most impact on me. This kid and I dated when I was..Idk, freshman to sophomore summer and then part of sophomore year. I don't know why we broke up I thought we were perfect. He never really told me why and I've just learned to accept this and move on by now. For years I was stuck on it. But He impacted me in the way that I probably wouldn't be how I am today if it wasn't for him. He was the sweetest,kindest, purest of heart person I knew. He taught me that it was okay to be myself and to love myself for who I am and to love others for who they were. He taught me what being in love was, and he also taught me what kind of person I love is. And thanks to Garrett I've discovered that Chris has the Similar qualities I've always looked for. The only thing that sucks Is I think Garrett thinks I'm still obsessed with him or something. XD I'm just very appreciative of him and I wish him the very best.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Day Five.

Day 05
A picture of somewhere you’ve been to.

I think the most exciting place I've been to is Hawaii.

I've got a lot of family that Live there. Most of the times I've been I don't remember because I was so young. The most recent time I've been there was for my 16th Birthday. It was pretty fun. My aunt tells me that She will take chris and I for my 21st! :D Kinda feels like a trap, going to the bar with your aunt lol. Oh well. :3 It will be quite the experience and I'm rather excited. I can't remember right now if chris has been to hawaii or not. He's excited as well. Whenever I go there I go to Oahu Because that's where my Tutu lives. (Tutu= Great grandmother, Popo is Grandma. )

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Day 4

Day 04
A habit that you wish you didn't have

This one takes a lot of thinking about. A Habit I wish I didn't Have. If you would have asked me this question just a few months ago I'd Say My drinking Habits would be something I wouldn't want. But I've been working on those since the new years. It's almost been a year and I've only blacked out Three times (way better than before, story for another day.)
A habit I wish I didn't have was I tend to be nosey when it comes to who my boyfriends are talking to. I've had problems in my past with guys cheating on me or being overprotective over me because they're doing the wrong thing. :[
However, my current boyfriend tells me I've got nothing to worry about and that he's never even thought about cheating on me. I really should just trust him. It's hard to though with anyone. However, Trust is the most important thing in a relationship.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Day 3

Day 03
A picture of you and your friends

A picture of me and my friends...Depends. I don't really have a picture of my friends and I currently. I've got plenty of old pictures of me and my friends.

This was my birthday this year. These are some of my friends.

Best Friend Charlotte.

My Bestest Friend/ Boyfriend. :]

That's it.
Get to go look at the New apartment tomorrow (Hopefully).

Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Late Day 2

Day 02

The meaning behind your Blogger name

Well, I love the word Multifarious. I found it when I was a little scene kid trying to find ways to describe myself to people. I've always been someone that is on both sides. I'm outgoing and Shy, Adventurous and Cautious and I always wondered what Is a word that I could use? I did some research.
having many different parts, elements, forms, etc.
numerous and varied; greatly diverse or manifold: multifarious activities.

I decided that was the perfect way to describe me. Also the blog is about me, and my life. Nothing In particular. So Varied + My life. And that's how I came to have my blog name.

Nothing else to really say about me today.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

30 days of Blogging? I've got this...Maybe.

Today's Topic:

Catch Up. Not Ketchup.

Well, Here I am. Every few days I realize that I have not posted anything so I catch up on what my friend Sam Has been doing in her blog. She's always got something new for me to be interactive with and makes me want to write too. So here I go. This time she's presented her bloggers about a 30 day Challenge, Might as well join in too right?
Day 1

15 Interesting facts:

1: One of my Middle Names is Leina'ala. It's Hawaiian.
2:I'm a hard person to live with. When I ask you to clean something I mean everything has to be spotless.
3: I'm starting to realize I'm more like my parents than I though I would be.
4: Rice, red meat, and fruit. That's my shit.
5: I like to be in control.
6: I'm not, not annoyed by ANYONE.
7: I'd really like to be famous for my art one day, but I feel like my art is too mundane.
8: Kinda sad I only have Three Blog Followers. :P
9: I wish I was competitive enough to work in fashion.
10: I can't imagine being with anyone other than chris.
11: I told myself I'd only get one's are pretty addicting in reality.
12: I Like men and woman.
13: I have two cats who I love dearly and more than most people.
14: I've been in therapy off and on since I was in elementary school.
15: I like cold egg-rolls.

Here's a bonus fact: I always Abbreviate Wednesdays to Wed. Because I have a REALLY hard time spelling that word.

If you haven't heard about the challenge yet, do it so I can read yours. Here are the days!
Day 01 A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 02 The meaning behind your Blogger name
Day 03 A picture of you and your friends
Day 04 A habit that you wish you didn't have
Day 05 A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06 Favorite super hero and why
Day 07 A picture of someone, something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08 Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09 Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10 Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11 Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12 How you found out about Blogger and why you made one
Day 13 A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14 A picture of you and your family
Day 15 Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16 Another picture of yourself
Day 17 Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18 Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19 Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20 Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21 A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22 What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23 Something you crave for a lot
Day 24 A letter to your parents
Day 25 What I would find in your bag
Day 26 What you think about your friends
Day 27 Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28 A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29 In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30 Who are you?

In Other News:

Yesterday The New Fall Term Started. Oh, how exciting. I'm only taking two classes this term so I can get my academic standing back in ranks. I am taking Water Color Two (THANK GOD! I was on the waitlist.) and History of Woman, sex and family. So far these classes seem to be okay. hopefully the rest of the term will be better than my first day back was.

First of all, I was on the waitlist for the water color class that starts at 11 on Mondays and Wednesdays. I got up around 9:30 got ready, sat around waiting to catch the bus at 10:49. Got to the bus stop, waited around and the bus was late. Bye the time it finally got there it didn't even stop because it was too full! OMG how frustrating! I was sure I was gonna not make it into the class (first come first serve kinda thing) but I was determined so I sat and waited for the next one while the other two people that were there went off and did something else. Waited, waited, the 2nd bus is running late. FINALLY get's there as I'm on the phone with my aunt about to say fuck it and i catch the bus to the school, run to class, walk in and The teacher Says It's time to take roll. I MADE IT and only two people on the waitlist got in and one was me. :3 Super believing in Karma right then.

However, later that day I went to this UC (urgent care) because I'm sick and I thought I might have Tonsillitis and I asked them how long it would take till I could see a doctor and they said 30 min. (BTW this place is called "Express Doctor". I waited one hour and 20 min in the Lobby and 40 min sitting by myself in the exam before I could see a doctor. I was SO pissed. Especially since my aunt had been nice enough to take me but had to go to her own appointment at four. We were running on 20 min till her appointment (somewhere else) I was about to walk out I was almost crying and I was so tired and frustrated because I was sick and it hurt in the first place, when he finally walks in, told me pretty much what I already knew and gave me a prescription. -.- Fing stupid. UGH.
In any case, on tuesdays and thursdays I have to get up at 9:30 get to the bus at 10:24 to go to the school to catch a shuttle at 11:15 to rock creek campus to take a class at 12. XD Gonna be an alright term.

Also, Moving soon! only what 2 weeks and three days till we can move into the new apartment!!!!! OHGOSH! I've been so ready of this. The apartment manager said we can paint as long as we paint it back later. :3 I'm so excited. I've been waiting for so long to have a place to paint. Hopefully we stay there for a long time. (I'm really bad at staying one one place for a long time) And I've been feeling so creative lately, so many new things I want to try. However, I'm too lazy. :P
Wish my unlazy luck! Maybe I'll create something cool. :}

Monday, September 19, 2011

A little A-Z Survey +.

A. Age: 20

B. Bed size: I have a full. :] They're big but you gotta snuggle.

C. Chore that you hate: Cleaning up after other people's bathroom grossness.

D. Dogs: Some are Cute. I love kitties.

E. Essential start to your day: Kiss Boyfriend, Facebook, Pee.

F. Favorite color:(s) turqoise, Pinks, silver, white and black. (even though they're not "Officially" colors.

Gold or Silver: Depends on what color my hair is. :] And how I feel. I like both.

H. Height: 5 ft 3in. :3 I'm small.

I. Instruments you play:..The skin flute? Ahahaha. I used to play the viola that's about it. Love the sound of string instruments.

J. Job title: Full-Time Student. :}

K. Kids: One day I'd like to have a girl. But, Babies scare me so I don't know how that's gonna work out. :p

L. Live: Portland Mother Fucking Oregon. Homegrown. :p

M. Mother’s name: Heather. It's a pretty name. :]

N. Nicknames: ...The little mermaid, light, pikachu, people call me aureola. Not very appreciated lol.

O. Overnight hospital stays: When I was a baby.

P. Pet peeves: Everything. One that I recently experienced: When guests don't clean up after themselves.

Q. Quote from a movie: I don't remember things like that.

R. Right or left handed: Right handed.

S. Siblings: Half brother and maybe step sister? Technically Dad and step mom are still together, but not really.

U. Underwear: Right now. Black. lol I love lace, boyfriend likes cute. I try to mix lol

V. Vegetable you hate: ...Most of them.

W. What makes you run late: "Other people. I hate being late."-Sam. ---Exactly.

X-Rays you’ve had: ...I don't believe I've had any. I've never broken anything.

Yummy food that you make: Box Pasta. haha. I'm pretty good at Scrambled eggs and Bacon.

Z. Zoo animal: It's all about the Tigers. always. Nothing is better.

On another note:
The Rave I was all excited to go to was cancelled. I'm really sad. I didn't get to go to ANY outdoors this year. D:
Also, I made a whole bunch of Fuzzy Boot Covers to sell there and Since It was cancelled I lost a lot of money. Help me out and Share my link? I'm trying to make my money back.
In my opinion they're rather cute.
Anyways, so instead of going to the rave me and a few groups went camping together. Same place I went for my birthday. It was pretty fun. Got to meet some cool characters and get to know some new people. Also nice to get one more camping trip in before fall "Officially" started. Not like it was much of a summer this year. :/
And My fears and sadness have still been around but the last few days Chris has been making me feel way better. Thank god for having someone that will always love you.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Where have I been?

Where Have I been, That's a good question to start with.

Man, I've been in a funk lately. It was chris and I's One year yesterday. He was at work from 9-6:30 while I was at his mom's house doing laundry. :{ It made me really sad. Then we went to the Ringside to eat some fancy food and great onion rings! (I hated onions really until i tried these last time we went). But I wasn't very hungry so I felt bad for not really eating and I've just been feeling off. After that we went and played glow in the dark mini golf! It was pretty cool looking there. In the end chris beat me though. :{ I was sad. I get pretty competitive. I hate games that you have to wait on people though because then I rush and don't do as well. :{ i like things like lazer tag and paintball where you're constantly in motion and everything you do has to be done in a split second or else you could be done for!
But I felt so weird. :{ maybe it's just because we've been together for a year and I keep expecting like we should be feeling the intensity of when we were first together. I always stop and feel like we're growing a part.
But then later I think about it and rationalize that that's not it. We're just used to each other and we understand each other and we're still just as happy and we still can't even begin to think about not being with each other. Just because our love Isn't fresh doesn't mean it's not true.
I'm always stressing about this kind of stuff.

On another note. Candy Carnival(rave) is in two days. And I've been super lazy.
I need to finish my boot covers and also my bear suit. So lazy though! I don't want to do anything and it's so much harder to do things when Chris isn't here. He's my motivation. Everything is better when He is around.

Still feeling weird about us. I can't stop.
He's not very affectionate when we're around others, but we're around others 90% of the time. this girl needs more attention then that. :{
This weekend is going to be harsh. Please, wish me some luck.

On another note. I've been making lots of fuzzies. (until I got lazy)
Here are a few of the more interesting ones.

Goodbye for now.

Friday, September 9, 2011

My life lately.
I don't even know what's wrong with me. I haven't felt this way in awhile.
I used to get sad for no reason all the time. Maybe it's not for just no reason maybe I just can't pick the thing that is making me feel that way. but to me it's no reason, what is there to be sad about? Why have I been so emotional lately. I've been crying all the time. It seems like every single little thing that seems sad just sets me off. It's not like I've been outright just bawling my eyes out. It's like a crack in the voice and a few tears down the cheek. I hate it, It's been making me feel so weak. Everything just seems more intense.
Chris says that I might just be feeling..I don't know a word that starts with an S? Means, I'm stuck, I'm not going anywhere.
I mean It might make sense, For the past few years I've been in School, I haven't stopped being in school and I also Don't live downtown so I haven't really been doing anything. Hang out every once in awhile. And I just get too lazy to do anything.

I hate doing things alone.
Like, right now It's taking all of my motivation just to get up and even think about taking a shower. :[

Motivation. I never have any of it. Never. Unless i'm with people and It's like, HEY let's go to the store, 1, 2,go!
But big things...I can't go anywhere. Like college? Please, I hate school.
Maybe it's just my overall negative mood on life.
You live, You die.
Woot, woot, what a party.
I don't know what's wrong with me. :{ I haven't even been eating right.
I barely eat. Nothing seems to taste good, I don't really want anything to drink and up till today I didn't even want to sleep.
I think it's funny that when you see a therapist it's always like, oh we're gonna talk on this date, not when you really need to talk. You need an on call therapist.
I miss mine. :{

sadsadsadsadsad everywhere.

Friday, September 2, 2011


Yesterday I hung out with Wall-e.

You might be thinking of Wall-E as in the movie.
That's not who I hung out with, Kinda. :P

This is My Wall-E

And I am her Eva.

We meet almost two years ago? I don't know anymore. It was the day of my Senior Prom and my boyfriend at the time and I were downtown waiting around and I saw some friends from afar and Kayla was one of her friends as well. As soon as she saw me she told me I was so pretty and asked me to be her Eva.
I told her I would as long as she was my Wall-E.

^It was that Day^

Almost immediately after that we became bestfriends.
We were bestfriends throughout my last relationship.
But then He got jealous I was always with her (Because she's a lesbian)
And then he hated her, and I always ran crying to her and It got worse and worse, Because she liked me and I really liked her but I was too scared to leave the relationship I was in. And I really did love her, but it just seemed kinda weird to be in a relationship.
Then we didn't talk for a while when I finally did break up with him.
She was the most amazing person I had ever met, So true, so passionate, so honest, so caring. She was so sweet.
Always. And she still is. I was just always so scared I'd hurt her. You don't want to be selfish and keep something so amazing to yourself when you know there are others that need their help.
In any case. We finally hung out the other day for the first time in MONTHS.
I really did miss her, our feelings for each other have change. I'm happy about that. Because I love the person I'm with.
But she's just as amazing as always. And always a little late (She hasn't had a cellphone for over a year by choice. Annoying when trying to meet up with her, one of the reasons we don't hang out anymore.)

And maybe she's not my bestfriend anymore, but we still share our food and dance in the square and wander downtown and I always drag her shopping with me.
I love hanging out with her because she is so, random. And she's always fun.
I really feel like myself around her. :]

This post has been really random and Sporadic. Sorry. >< Anyways, I miss her and I hope we start hanging out again soon since I'm not dating someone she's afraid of. <3

Just for Sam, Because no one else Follows me.

1.) Blog URL
2.) Name and blog title
3.) “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog,” a standard font preview phrase
4.) Favorite quote
5.) Favorite song(s), current and/or all-time
6.) Favorite artist(s)
7.) A phrase I often say
8.) People I tag to play


Thursday, September 1, 2011

I Blame it all On Sam and Sam

Topic: Marriage.

I blame this train of thought all on two friends of mine, Sam and Sam who recently got engaged. I'm really happy for them. It's nice to see couples like them who are so sure that they're with the person that they will love for the rest of their lives. It's like, living proof that love exists and It really can happen that someone can fall in love for real.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely cynical. Honestly, I'm a hopeless romantic. I believe in forever love, I believe in soul mates, and I believe in making a happy home with love all around! However, up until they got engaged I didn't even really think about my wedding someday. I mean, girls are supposed to be dreaming of this day since they're like ten, right? I mean it crossed my mind every once in awhile the one thing I always knew was that I was gonna get married on a beach over looking the water (always wanted it to be in Hawaii but now I'm imagining closer to home). That's the one thing I knew. Not what colors I wanted, wither or not we would be barefoot or not, what flowers I would have, what type of dress I want, live band or a DJ? There are a lot of things to think about when having a wedding. I never took the time to imagine what my "dream wedding" would look like. Why would I waste the time thinking about this amazing life and marriage and love if I still hadn't found someone I truly, honestly, with out a doubt loved and wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I've always had a bit of commitment issues, always afraid I'd lose them. A marriage is the most deeply set commitment I've even thought about. It's so huge! Why waste such a beautiful dream on a rotten end?

Now all this talk about marriage has got me thinking about what I actually want. I mean, three of my friends have recently got married, two of which are younger than me! I'm only 20.(I always planned to probably be engaged or married around 23-26) Gosh. Why are we getting married so young again? Are we filling our head with hopes and dreams and fairy tales that might just come to an end, and we're okay with that? Are we that desperate to not end up alone that we cling to what we have not knowing if it's the truth? Is that's what happening, or maybe I'm being cynical again. Maybe what it is, is maybe our generation is learning. Maybe it's a new way of survival. I mean if you think about it. People that are our age (18-26) Will date for years being with one person before deciding to get married, some wait a year. But I know, that's still a lot more time than some adults give it. It seems that when you're older say, 30+, you tend to date someone for a couple months then decide that this person is your life and marry them in a matter of a few months. I feel like that is a more likely rate that you will get divorced seeing as when you're that old and you're married you're kinda married for the rest of your life to this person that you may not actually love in the end, maybe they get abusive or your find out they're constantly cheating on you. Also, a lot of times they don't even more in with each other until they're married! Who knows how well you will actually live together, maybe you just can't stand that they never refill the toilet paper and you've asked them and they haven't changed! You tend to stay with them because of reasons like, "I'm too old to date.", "I'm comfortable now, if we separate we will have to deal with kids, and money issues.". It's really sad when you see people that are together not by choice but by obligation.

Recently though my mind has been meddled with all these ideas. I mean, I stayed awake for hours last night not being able to sleep and all I seemed able to think about was what I wanted my wedding to be like. What colors I would have, what flowers, what place, what dress. I feel like I'm going crazy! I feel like I'm a little 16 year old girl crazy infatuated with her current boyfriend. Then I catch myself, and I ask myself, "Is it okay to think about these things? Should I be getting my hopes up? What if what I want doesn't actually ever happen?" It's like I'm scared that just thinking about it will make it not happen. I mean I'm not even the one engaged! All in all, I blame it all on Sam and Sam because without their happiness I wouldn't be thinking of my own.

I do know though that I want there to be 1001 paper cranes.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Last Day of August.

I feel like today was Sunday.

I Just stayed at my friend Sam and Sam's last night. We had a blastie. :]
I haven't enjoyed myself that much for a grip.
Then my tummy hurt and I have been feeling like shit all day.
But that's okay. That's the Price sometimes. :P

It's nice to hang out with other couples. Makes you not afraid to be yourself with others.

My head is all over the place...
I planked for the first time last night! It was my silly boyfriends Idea.

Also, I love kitties.

Sooo cute.
Ilovekitties. D< My head hurts. I'm gonna get offline. T.T Anyways, Going to go turn in the application and deposit on the new apartment tomorrow. :] SOEXCITED. BYE

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Aug. 25th

Topic of Today:

Growing up I have always believed in Astrology. Mostly just because my mother did and the books we had always seemed to be so right on. I never grew up religious or anything and I don't really believe in god (That's a whole other blog) but yet I believe in something that people predict just by looking at the stars. Totally unbelievable to some people. But I think it's a study like psychology that you can do just but watching the people born in those times and what not. Not all of it is just unreal. really. My favorite author is Gary Goldschneider and Joost Elffers.
They write books together. They have a series of books. A few is "The Secret Language of Relationships", "The Secret Language or Birthdays", And "The Secret Language of Destiny". They're all good books. I've read those three but there are a few more too. The one I own personally is the Relationships ones because I find it really useful. (The books are like $30 or so a piece).
I like this one because it tells you about what different things mean at the beginning, it tells you about the different cycles and all the basic things, then it goes on to tell you about each sign and then at the back they have charts that you can look up anyone's relationship with anyone just by their birthdays. I've usually found those to be pretty darn true too.

Cancer 1
The week of the Empath
June 25-July 2nd.

I'm not going to list everything that'd be ridiculous. But there are things in here that are just so true. (well all of it but some is just scary.)
Sometimes I wish people read other peoples Zodiacs more often. So they can learn about others and not only themselves. I do. :]

-Cancer 1's are hard to figure out. Emotionally complex, they combine sharply contrasting qualities in their psychological makeup. They may give an entirely different impression than in another, according to their mood. A Cancer 1 may strike one person as outgoing, another as retiring, one as positive and expansive, another as negative and depressive, still others as easygoing, others as difficult. Only those who live with cancer 1's day in and day out are fully able to appreciate their depth and diversity.

-Part of the reason for the variety of their emotional palette is their sensitivity. Empathic, cancer 1's quickly pick up on the feelings of others- so much so that they may mistake such feelings for their own.

Ect. Ect. But reading this the first time I was like, DAMN that explains some shit.
Cause I always get these emotions that I don't understand why I had them. Also it's common for me to be depressed and honestly I usually am but since I've been with chris it's been awhile since it's really been bad. :}
We both have our problems but together we're working on them. <3 And using that to lead on. :D

June 25th- July 2nd(Week of the Empath) And February 23rd-March 2nd (Week of the Spirit)
"The Long Haul"

Ruled by the earth, this relationship brings solid and well-established values to bear. It's foundation is not flimsy or temporary-these two have the long haul in mind. Although their combination is governed by earth, both cancer 1 and pisces 1 are ruled by water; a trine relationship between water signs like theirs is classically one of the easiest and most compatible: their relationship promotes groundness, pragmatism, responsibility and maturity, eschewing the kind of flakiness that both partners might be accused of individually. A kind of tenacity inherent here will help them over any bumps in the road.
The natural flow between cancer 1's and Pisces 1's promotes relaxed attitudes in love affairs. These two are also grounded here in a sensuous appreciation of food, sex and comfortable surroundings. Marriages are encouraged as a further step in a life commitment to each other, as is having children. Financial security is essential to the well-being of all concerned.

Also tells you
Strengths: Reliable, secure, spiritual.
Weakness: Resentful, over demanding, heavy.

It's funny because reading this when we first started hanging around and be interested in each other it scared me to read this because I was afraid of being in a long relationship getting out and being in one again right after. I told him I was afraid because of what it said. He told me I was silly and to not worry about it.
But, not that I'm with him I can see what it was saying. I'm happy where I am. :]

Anyways, if you're interested let me know. I can even message you what yours says if you want. <3 Baby is gone again. I miss him. I'm scared that he's gone all the time because I'm getting used to him not being around. I'm afraid maybe things will fade. I hope not. :{ Oh no I hope not.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Make up. August 20th, & 21st. And maybe a bit of today.

Saturday was my Baby Cousin Emil's 1st birthday. In my Family when it's your first birthday you get a Luau. And there's always a pig. Chris and I got there Early around 10 o' clock to get shit ready. We did the decorations and we also helped with some of the cooking when that whole part started. It was pretty exciting. There were quite a few people there. I'll Share some pictures with you.

^Birthday Cake^

^The baby even gets his own cupcake! Emil's First experience with sugar!^

^Baby Emil With Grandpa!^

^Here's my little brother and Chris Working on Mui Mui Salmon? I forget what it's called. You put frozen salmon that's been salt and chopped up tomatoes and onions pour some ice in it and mush it up with your hands! It was cold but Delicious!

^Me, Mother, Father, Half brother^
(They're divorced)
It was nice to be able to spend time with them all together. :} I barely see my dad anymore and I take what I can get when I can. :}
After the Luau Chris and I went to his place to go swimming with my brother while dad was at work. Then we got pizza together! It was nice. :D

^One of my aunts and some guy sticking their feet in the wadding pool. 92 degrees is way hot!

^And this here is the pig! 80lbs! It was Nummy!^
Kinda..Morbid though. D:

^This is Chris and I Chilling down by the river. I look a little crazy^

That was my Saturday. Didn't do all too much. Was exhausted by the time I finally got home. Then Sunday I didn't really do anything. Went over to my aunts and helped her clean up after the party and did some laundry.

But right now it is 12:26 pm on Monday the 22nd and I'm doing nothing but sitting here. Chris is off to his mom's again for two days so he can work. :{ It makes me really sad when he's gone. It wouldn't be so bad if we could atleast text. But he's at work from 7-5. No texting. :{ And then he goes to bed at 10. .:Sigh:. While I am up to face the dangers of falling asleep alone in the dark.

While he is away I like to be reminded that he really does love me since he isn't there to tell me himself. (He isn't very mushy in public or online) He once told me that this song reminded him of me.
So, I listen to it a lot when he's away.

"Came in together, but you held me..
The process walking right through that door, at the entry.
I can’t seem to remember, the lights were so bright,
And the disco ball blurred in the turn of that night.
But it was perfect, I was told the tux was starched and all.
Grabbed the glass of punch, nervousness, structured by that wall.
Arms folded, myself, I didn’t know yet.
Until you came over, stood by me, you posted.
You put your hand out like I was stranded.
Tried to pull me on that dance floor, I stepped backwards.
See I wasn’t ready yet, but you were my medicine..
Showed me that trust through that love that you held me with.
our backs against the wall as the DJ would spin
The soundtrack had changed as he played that mix…
Our lives flashed in front of us, just a glimpse,
We were together and experience this..

You finally pulled me up, I didn’t want to..
But you filled me up, from the bottom of my heart.
And as we walked through that gymnasium that I’d been watching,
Feeling like my chest would explode from my heartbeat.
To the middle of the floor I almost panicked,
You put your hand out and I fearfully grabbed it.
The most beautiful thing that I’d seen on this planet,
She laughed ‘cause you could tell that I didn’t know how to dance yet..
We started moving and I, didn’t know what I was doing.
You whispered,
“don’t you love music it’s such a gift and I’ll give it to ya, but you gotta use it”
I strayed, you brought me back in..
Trying to sneak a flask outside of that gym.
She said “You don’t need that, look within.”
She hugged me, looked into my eyes, she gave me a kiss
And she said, “I can’t help you, if you don’t let me.
You’re here to live just be, don’t forget me.
The end of this dance you don’t want to regret me, live..
‘Cause tonight you’ll all be set free”

“Last dance!” the Dj yelled.
Looked into her eyes and I could see myself..
Slow motion, frozen, toast to this moment.
Like there is no morning, like there is no morning.
No emotions, you on my shoulder, me lead and you follow,
As we circle the floor like the globe through this infinite mass..
Makes us seem so small,
With you in my hand like the skyline holds the stars.
Not letting go, but I can’t hold on
Fading through my fingertips, watching us fall..
I try to catch you with my arms
I would never take you for granted when I had you in my palms.
To all I ever wanted, please play my song.
And put the record to the needle, don’t ever touch that off switch.
You are perfect, forget that prom dress.
My God, seconds away from God, yes.
Somebody turned the heat on in this party,
Or we’re becoming one because I’m melting into your body..
one being, heart beating, universe falling.
The ground split right between us and that concrete..
Separated my love, I could hear her calling.
Separated, but I could hear her calling.
Goodbye forever, never see you again
Winterball 2012, The End"

<3 I love my baby.

He is the best thing that has Ever happened to me.

I never want to lose him.