Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Sexsexsexsex. Why is everything always about sex?
I am so fucking tired of it. Like, I don't know what the fuck I am supposed to do. I don't want to have sex so something is wrong with me? I'm the person that needs to figure out what to do? Not of course the person freaking constantly trying to get me to have sex? The more you push the less I'll lean.

I don't know what to do. I feel bad I really do but I honestly, just don't want to have sex. Why can't things be like they used to when people couldn't freely have sex all the time, I'm sure that made it way more enjoyable and appreciating when it did happen.

I'm sorry...I just had to rant a little to someone that wasn't gonna tell me to just suck it up and have sex anyways.

What kind of bullshit is that? I shouldn't have to have sex with someone if I don't want to just to make things better for them.

Monday, April 9, 2012

April 9th, 2012 Photo Heavy!

Oh Why, Hello there!

I have a feeling, Once a month is kind of the way this blog is going right now. But, Here let me catch up with you...

April Showers, Bring may Flowers. Let's only hope, there have been a few but I just can't wait for more, thankfully The beautiful Cherry Blossom Tree's have been in bloom, they will be going away soon, thankfully I took a few pictures with them while they were here to visit. :]

Spring Term
Stared last week. It was STRESSFUL. I have fallen so far behind in things like, writing letters back to my friend, keeping my apartment clean (especially my room), getting my hair done and eyebrows done! My Beauty department has been running on low recently. Spring term started with me Having three classes; Math 95, Intro to Psych, and Digital Photography Two. I would have LOVED to keep these classes but unfortunately I had to drop my Intro to Psych class because It just required too much work for me to have to do while taking math 95! Math is the most important to me right now because It's something I'm pretty far behind in. Plus, Who really wants to Do Four 200-400pt Essays in an Intro to Psych class. I'm not a Psych Major! Plus I wasn't too stoked on the 200 pt. Essay due the 2nd week of class either. Oh well, I will take it another time. So I had to end up trying to find a different class! Pretty difficult, I tired a Western Civ, Ancient to Medieval class, Soooooooooo not for me. Fortunately I joined into this History of Art class from 1947-Presant day. First day We did a small art project! I knew right away this class was for me. I quickly joined and I am excited for the next class, tomorrow!

Let's see, what else what else?! Nothing all too much I guess. I suppose one thing is, I have two new roommates! It's quite a full house here(Literally). Our Dear friends Rin and Jay recently moved back/here from New York. Jay has been looking for a job since and he Just got one a mile walk from where we live! They are supposed to move in here when our other roommate Moves out(hopefully soon! My nerves are running dead), but since he got a job we are letting stay here early! We've moved the game room we had upstairs into the living room. A pretty good idea since no one ever used the living room and we have curtained off the area so it seems more like a room. I don't mind it, I pretty much hide in my room all the time anyways.

What's left to say?I had a pretty amazing weekend. I was planning on having a "me" weekend so I could beautify myself. Instead, I hung out with friends, took lookbook pictures and Partied it up! We had a "Gangsta" Party on saturday. Nothing but Caribou Lou's and 40's! Unfortunately Nick Made some gross mix of badness. D: I think It's what made me so sick in the morning! Worst hang over I have had in a LONG time. The worst. Felt better by the end of the day thank goodness. Also, Easter Ham Probably helped a little bit. Anyways, Enough with the Words, on to photos!

(DO NOT LOOK if; You follow my other Blog Tainted SweetHeart there are plenty of photos that I will be posting on there!)
Also, If you haven't already, please check out my Fashion Blog, Tainted SweetHeart, I update more often there(I also just received an award!) and, Check out my Lookbook!

Let it Begin!
Friday Day Hanging out with Jenna, Got a new Dress, SOOO excited to show it off soon when it's nice out!
This is my Friend Sheena! I took some "Work like" photos for her so that she could put them on her Resume!
Chris and I's Yummy Drinks we Got at the Olive Garden for lunch! I absolutely LOVE Random Fruity Drinks.
Chris took me up to the Dog Park across the street and on top of the hill to Check it out! It had a GORGEOUS view, you could see so much! I was going to take lookbook pictures in front of the view but they didn't turn out so well.|
I wanted to share this picture Because I MADE this cute little purse! It's not done yet but almost!
A Really pretty picture that Chris Snapped for me! I LOVE it. It's one of my favorites. I got a few cute ones this weekend actually. It made me feel way better about how I've been feeling about myself lately.
Jenna and I Got Dressed up In Lolita!
Hungover Sunday!
And a Nice Ending Photo of Chris. :]

Thanks For stopping by guys!

Oh, I'm thinking about Changing my hair again. Lavender on top and White on bottom, What do you think?

Thursday, March 22, 2012

March 22nd, 2012

Wow, Sorry guys It's been almost a month since I posted last! I guess there hasn't really been anything interesting going on in my life. I've actually been a little depressed. I think It may have something to do with the weather. Winter time is always such a drag. The one day it was sunny and nice out and I could have died from happiness. There is snow outside, and that makes it pretty, but it makes me sad and lazy. Who wants to make sure they look cute AND warm, in order to go out and do things. Not I. However, the snow has given me a reason to go out and take some pictures. So, let's start off with a few snow pictures. :]

Check out my lookbook, I even posted a picture there! I couldn't resist, I absolutely Love dressing up in black with a Gothic tone when it's snowing outside. The contrast of it all makes me happy. :] But the adventure to take this picture was ridiculous! walking around my SUPER hilly apartments in those heels, carrying all that gear was so hard to go! And wet, I had to put a towel over my camera to protect it from getting wet. The pictures sadly, Did not turn out as good as I would have liked them too.

Last night at midnight my roommates decided we should go out and take some pictures in the snow! (One of my roommates is also a photographer) Here are a few examples...

It was so gorgeous out. We walked down the street with no cars out and just a bunch of snow, it was so quite and peaceful. I love night walks. I could have stayed outside forever, and it wasn't even that cold. :] I wish I had brought my camera so I could have taken a few pictures as well. Next time!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Febuary 26th.

Hey guys! I know I haven't been posting very much lately, I've just been doing some school stuff and doing the usual social thing. I haven't had much to update on. :] I have been keeping up with my Lookbook and my Other Blog, Tainted Sweetheart. I don't have very many followers on that blog, but, I am enjoying it none the less.

The other day I went to the mall to find an outfit for the next rave I'm going to "Big Bang Theory Five" and I ended up not finding anything and instead spending $70 on two shirts, three pairs of underwear, two belts and a Necklace from forever 21. That store is SO dangerous. I always go in and find way to many things that I like. I am SO stoked to be able to wear everything though. :] I'm waiting until it's a bit warmer so I can wear the dress but I already Put an outfit together for lookbook to show off my new shirt! It's a see through lace shirt, Kind of 70's and vintage inspired. I LOVE lace and I adore the look. Here is a picture!

This weekend I went to a friends house for a little party. It was a LT3 Party. :p Less than Three. They're originally all my boyfriends friends they quickly all became my friends too, I love those kids, they're great. But Yeah, had a good time got to see everyone, didn't get any pictures though. XD

Hmmm....More Pictures is all I can think of to share.

Boyfriend being cute.
Bloo and I At Space with Her LED Hoop
Boyfriend, Dora and I.
And Boyfriend and I!

Those three pictures from the Rave were taken by my friend Alden, he is an AMAZING photographer. He takes such good, high quality, and well editied pictures. he really should get paid of more gigs.

But I guess that's all I really have to say today! :]

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Febuary 21st, (Photo Heavy!)

Oh hello there! I know I have not really posted much on here for a bit but that's because I have been so distracted making sure I update my new Fashion Blog here! You should check it out! I'm trying to get more followers, I know it may not be the most interesting but I am just trying to gain a few supporters. My best Friend Charlotte even made a Blog just so she could follow me! She is the best, I love her!

Anyways, what has been going on? Well This term is well close to being done, taking a math chapter test tomorrow, (So Not excited) and I have been working on some photo projects! Let me tell you, so hard to do when it's not sunny out. :[
Here is my last project I did! We had to make a "dream scape".

That is Portland, Oregon's waterfront (some of it) My friend Garrison, boyfriend Chris and My own Bodies floating there with some random cats heads on us. My Class got a real Hoot out of it. I'm glad someone liked it!

Speaking of Portland
...Holy shit. Had the Craziest Adventure today (kinda). I went downtown to take pictures for a project and for lookbook with my Friend Jenna(<----Check out her Blog!)and we had gotten down to the boat dock after taking pictures for lookbook and then i realized....I Didn't have my phone!!!!! D: I lost my phone on the max! Freaked out and ran around and they called chris and he told them to call Jenna. Someone found my phone on the max and gave it to someone that works for Trimet at Gateway Max Station! I am Sooooo lucky that someone returned my phone! I was so happy I wanted to give the guy a hug! But...That would have been weird. >> You could tell he would feel weird about it. Some older big trimet guy lol. But yeah found my phone. :]

Here is a picture of my friend Jenna! She's super cute!

I have been obsessed with Pictures being mirrored lately. :]

Also, I went to a Rave "Space" on saturday. Got some awesome pictures. :] PHOTOSSS!!!

Me Dancing!
Sabrina and I Dancing!
Boyfriend wearing My shirt!
Just me!
Lol, Chris and I getting DOWN.

And I think that's all for now!
Check out my Lookbook and New blog Tomorrow for An Outfit update!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Blog Announcment!

Hey guys!

I have decided that I am now going to split my blog up. I'm going to keep this one for my lifestyle and have a separate Fashion blog! If you're interested in following me there you should do so. :] I'm trying to get my blog out there! Here it is! So any support would be nice. If you want I can probably promote you as well!
Thanks guys!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentines Day.

Well hello everyone, today is Valentines Day. Obviously. You know, all over facebook and all over my texts I just keep seeing people talking about how corrupt and stupid valentines day is. Yes, it's very commercialized, and yes, you should be showing your significant other love everyday and not just today. But take a second to think. Christmas, Halloween and 4th of July are just as Advertised as Valentines is. You could make the Argument that EVERY holiday is just a hallmark holiday, and excuse to see gifts. And to say that we should be showing our Love everyday to the person we love, yes, we should be doing that. And a lot of people do. Valentines day isn't just an excuse to pay extra attention or any attention at all to those we love. It's like a reminder, that we should be treating our loved ones right. And sometimes people don't always have the time or money to treat their loved ones the way they wish they could and Valentines day is like a way that those people are able to set everything aside just to be with each other. Just because you don't have a "Valentine" you're going to ruin everyone else's day. And just saying that, that you don't have a "Valentine" now that, is commercialized. Valentines day isn't about having a special someone, it's about showing love to those you love.

On another note, here is the last post on lookbook I put up!

I wasn't going to put it up originally, but I put it up on my facebook and since so many people liked it I thought I might as well go ahead and put it up. :] It was just a casual outfit so I'm surprised anyone liked it really. However, that is my FAVORITE dress. It's perfect for so many different occasions. It's simple and sweet. I've worn it to weddings, Dates, and just being out for a stroll, I can't wait for summer so I can show it off!

I was gonna take more pictures today for lookbook but I had tried to find a Valentines outfit, (Since I'm not really going out I didn't have one planned) and I couldn't find anything that seemed right. So I just put on a normal outfit but then it started raining! So discouraged. Oh well, Hopefully I'll take some new good ones soon. I've also realized that since I've started taking pictures for look book I seem to have stopped taking regular pictures. I kind of want a new camera, the camera lens I have is way to close for me to take self Portraits without having to use a tripod, and that's way harder, less angles. I miss my dinky little camera that the screen could flip around so I could see myself!

I don't know what it has been lately, but, I keep having these HUGE feelings of a Lack of self-esteem. I've never felt like this before. I hate the way I look...I wish I could change everything about myself. I don't look very good in pictures anymore and I can't figure out what it is. :[ I used to be so much cuter or something. I don't like my eyes, my bone structure, my body shape, my lips, my teeth, my chest. Ugh, I don't know what it is...WHY do I look so different? Honestly, I've kinda been thinking It's because of my hair...Like, the length and shape of my hair, maybe that's why I feel like I don't look attractive anymore. I thought I was super cute when I was a scene kid, my hair was bigger on top and thinner on the bottom. ( my face is wider on the bottom maybe that's why it looks weird) But it's bothers me because I LOVE MY HAIR. If anything that's my favorite part about me. :[ I need to just get over it. I am Cute...I just can't take good pictures anymore. .:Sigh:.

Oh...Mmmm, My Valentines Day Rundown.
Wake up
Baby Gave me a Giant Teddy Bear and some Chocolate. (Think I'll have a piece right now!)
He took me out to lunch
He goes to work and I stay home and attempt Homework!
I took and have Breakfast for Dinner ready for him when he gets home!
I give him his gifts!


There are pictures of the bear! We need to think of a Name for him. :p
So far he's just Mr. Bear. That name will not suit him.

Have a Great Day everyone!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Feb. 10, 2012

And here begins another day, today is Friday. It's only 12:30 and I feel like I'm ready for it to be 7:30 already. My boyfriend doesn't go to work until two and then get's off work at 7:30. Man, I am going to be so bored today! Of course, I woke up at 9:30am, that's earlier than normal lately. ;P

I had an appointment with my school Career Counselor at ten. We went and talked about the five top Careers I had chosen to look more into. We talked about where I wanted to be, if I wanted to stay in Oregon or not. My top five choices Art Therapist, Wardrobe Director/ Personal Shopper (I REALLY WISH), Marketing Manager, Interior Designer, and Art Teacher.

I've got to decide what I really want to go for. A while ago I had finally decided that I wanted to be an Art Teacher but then everyone kept telling me it was impossible to find a job now days for an Art teacher, sad thing is when I did the research I'd be way more likely to get a job as an art teacher rather than a Wardrobe Director. Actually, there are more art teachers than any of the other jobs I want. Of course being an art teacher would make me the least amount of money out of all of those jobs, but honestly, $46,000~ a year really isn't that bad. I wish I was more competitive...Cause that's what really gets to me when I am looking for a career. If I was more competitive I'd probably be able to make it SOMEWHERE in the fashion world.
I'm just so scared and I know that there are people that are better than me. I guess I'll always be a problem. I wish there was a way I could work under someone. :[ But yes, those are my dreams. I always wanted to be a wardrobe director and be able to put outfits together for movies, T.V. shows or photo shoots. God, I wish. :[
I might just end up as an art Teacher. Looking at what I really want to be, kinda sad. :p
Anyways, Check out my look book! If you have one you should fan me. :] Trying to get myself more out there.

Anyways, I've got to try and motivate myself to go take pictures today. It's cold and Slightly rainy out...I don't want to go downtown, but, that's kinda where I want to go to take pictures. :[ Maybe I'll find some company to go with me.

Have a great day! :D

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Feb. 7th, A Small Rant.

For some time when I was a bit younger, I may have been considered whorish, slutty, easy or whatever. I admit I would get to know people and want to be with them, I love the excitement of what's unknown about someone. The way their hand grazes your waist, the way they kiss, the way they act when they first wake up. I love it, it's all so interesting. But I remember back then there were a lot of people that called me a tease, and not in a joking, sensual, funny way. No, they said it in a mean, I'm mad at you because you wont have sex with me Kind of way. Back then that would upset me, I felt like a bad person because I was "Leading" people on even though I didn't want anything more than that. I realize now that it shouldn't fucking matter if you fool around with someone but don't have sex with them. Sex is something special that you should only give to those you care deeply about, or if you both know it's just for fun. Those people were rude and mean and just upset that they couldn't have me that way. And now, I look back and I'm glad I never let them get to me so bad that I actually did have sex with them. I look back and realize, I'm glad I'm a tease, because at least I'm not a whore or easy. Which is what they would have said if I had had sex with them.

That's just a little rant I had to get out. ><
Goodnight. <3

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Febuary Fourth.

Attempting to still do this, so far not much of a response.
In any case it seems like I'm just using for attempting to win Giveaways! Woot.
First off I might as well share my new look on Lookbook.

Well....I guess I haven't been doing much. This weekend has been amazing though. And it's not over. I started my weekend on Thursday. It has been rather exciting. Man. I don't have anything to say. :/
Resort to pictures.

This was Thursday Night

And this was last night! (Friday night)

It's been a rather fun couple days. It's gorgeous outside, I'm hopefully getting sushi today. :D Awesome!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Trying Something New.

Hey Guys, I'm at the point where I feel like this blog is very useless. I'm just talking to myself over here. >> I might get rid of it soon if it keeps feeling like this. But until then, I am going to try a bit harder to actually write something worth reading? Sometimes that is a rather hard idea to do though. :p

In any case, recently some friends of mine have shared the site Lookbook with me. It's a site dedicated to posting your outfits on the internet. I admit, most of people on this site have better outfits than me, but I'm going to go ahead and try it out anyways. I love fashion and even if I don't have the money and means to get the new style of fashion all the time doesn't mean I don't look good. ;D So go head and check me out!

I'm going to try and be more dedicated to doing this. Also, recently I went and talked to a Career Counselor at my college (to help me figure out what I want to do with my life) and yesterday was our first meeting. We talked about what kind of things I was interested in and talked about a few things that I might want to research more into. Talked about if I want to stay in Oregon or where else I might look into. Originally I wanted to stay in Oregon, more specifically Portland, Oregon. I love this place, it has always been my home and It's full of amazing, open minded people. (Not completely of course there are quite a few close minded people as well.)But during my talk with this Counselor I realized that I just love fashion so much, I really want to do something involved with it. However, It's hard to find a job in Oregon at all involving fashion, so if that's the case I might just go somewhere new, try and branch out from what I've grown so accustomed too.
In any case, I hope to hear from one of you guys. :]
And don't forget to check out my Lookbook!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Been awhile hu?

Sorry I have not been posting, (not that anyone reads this. ;p) but I've had too much in my head lately and Blogger isn't exactly where I'd like to put it. Let's see, let's see. I've added quite a few poems to my other blog, HERE! If anyone would like to check it out and leave some comments. Winter term has also started and I haven't been doing that great so far. D: I'm only taking two classes! Digital photography and Math 65. It's highly annoying to take a photo class during winter. Every single time I try to go take pictures it's raining! I finally just sucked it up to go take pictures for a project today and when I finally got to the park I realized my camera was dead! How depressing. D: As for math, well, I just suck at math. Pretty self explanatory. :P
Hey! I also dyed my hair pink!
There is pink me in the snow!

That's all there really is to say for now, Just trying to get by day to day. :]